The subject of how to stop premature ejaculation comes with a lot of emotional baggage. Although this is the 21st century, there still seems to be a lot of Victorian era shame, guilt and embarrassment around the subject of sex. The topic of premature ejaculation gets more than its fair share of those negative emotions. Since you’re reading this, you are more than likely ready to put all that aside and treat this matter like you would any other problem. As with any other activity you what to improve at, you just need understanding and practice to address this issue and improve your sex life.
Training: Understanding is Important.
The reason so many men have a problem with premature ejaculation is that men have trained themselves to ejaculate early and often. It is easy to speculate that the source of this is the guilt and shame associated with sex. Those attitudes may have an indirect link to premature ejaculation, but as a practical matter, it is just a learned response that needs to be “unlearned.”
When boys begin to mature into men, they began to experiment with masturbation. But these sessions of self-exploration are conducted in guilt-ridden circumstances, accompanied by the worry of getting “caught”. That drives the adolescent to ejaculate quickly before someone interrupts him. Unfortunately, many repetitions of this behavior train the body to naturally favor early ejaculation, regardless of the circumstances. This may be further reinforced with their first sex partners, where the encounters may be rushed by the threat of being caught in the act.
The only way to undo this learned response is to train yourself to last longer and stop premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation is not a defect, it is just a bad habit that can be overcome with understanding, self-awareness and practice.
Four Stages of Male Arousal.
Most men think that their penis is either soft or hard, and after they get hard, they will ejaculate. To most people that would seem to cover the subject. However, it is actually helpful to think of an erection as having four distinct stages.
In the initial stage of erection, it lengthens and fills. This is followed by the swelling stage until it reaches the third stage, the full erection. None of this so far should surprise you. These are just labels for things you already know. The labels just make it more convenient to refer to. The fourth stage, the rigid erection, is where the penis is very stiff and sensitive when approaching ejaculation. When you enter the fourth stage, and you feel like you are quickly approaching the “point of no return” before an orgasm, you need to apply some new techniques to prolong your love-making. You will read more about those further down.
Techniques for Prolonging Sex
Once you have practiced and have some skill at observing your level of arousal, you are ready to use some of the following techniques when making love to your partner. Not all of these techniques work for everybody. However, if you find one or two that are effective for you, then your efforts will have been worth it.
Building Arousal Awareness
Before you do anything else, you should practice maintaining awareness of your arousal level. This can be done while masturbating or while making love with your sweetheart. Don’t let this exercise ruin your enjoyment of sex. By carefully observing your level of arousal and the sensations that go with it, you may actually find it more pleasurable than usual.
When you become aware that you are moving into the fourth stage of arousal, the rigid erection, tell your partner that you are approaching orgasm. Slow yourself down and pay close attention to your breath. Start taking slow deep breaths, and note the sensation of your breath going in and out through your nostrils. Continue this until you no longer feel you are close to ejaculation.
This technique is just expanding on the breathing technique discussed in the Arousal Awareness exercise above. Your breath becomes more rapid during sex for obvious reasons. When you approach orgasm, take slower and deeper breaths using your diaphragm to pull the air deep into your lungs while focusing on your breath. This will help draw your attention away from the stimulation of your genitals.
This method is a simple and effective way of delaying orgasm and teaches you how to stop premature ejaculation. When you enter that fourth stage of arousal, just stop moving (your partner should stop moving also). Once the sensations have subsided and you are no longer on the verge of an orgasm, you can start again. When you are making love you can repeat this as often as you need to. Over time you will discover that you will need to stop less often.
Bear in mind that this could be frustrating or annoying to your partner. If this is a concern, then you can apply this technique with self stimulation and still gain the same benefit.
Changing Positions to Stop Premature Ejaculation
You can think of this technique as the next step after you have gained some benefits from the Start/Stop technique. Building on those improvements, you may find that some positions will allow you to last even longer. Positions where the man is on the bottom allow most men to last longer. Your partner may also enjoy the novelty of having a greater sense of control.
An excellent way of controlling your orgasm is to use a thrusting technique that not only limits simulation of your penis, but has the fringe benefit of potentially increasing your partner’s pleasure. This is a definite win-win if it is effective for you.
The technique consists of alternating between several quick shallow thrusts (about nine or ten) followed by one or two slow, deep thrusts. The shallow thrusts only go a couple of inches into your partners vagina. The deep thrusts go in all the way to the hilt or at least as deep as your partner is comfortable with. The first couple of inches of a woman’s vagina are the most sensitive. The multiple quick, short strokes will increase the simulation of your partners most sensitive erogenous zone, increasing her longing for the deep thrusts to come.
Contracting the PC (Pubococcygeous) Muscle
It is probably a lot easier to refer to this as the pelvic floor muscles. These are the muscles around your penis, scrotum and anus. The easiest way to explain how to contract these muscles is that these are the muscles you use to stop your urine flow and to force out those last few squirts as you finish urinating.
You may need to strengthen these muscles by exercising them several times a day. A good reminder would be to do this when you urinate. After the urine flow stops, just stand there for a few seconds more and squeeze your pelvic floor muscles for a couple seconds, three or four times.
The simplest way these muscle contractions can delay ejaculation is to just contract them as you approach your orgasm. This is more likely to work if you have strengthened these muscles.
You can also use this method to achieve an ejaculation-free orgasm. When you are on the verge of ejaculation, both you and your partner should stop moving while you tightly contract your pelvic floor muscles for 10 to 20 seconds. If those muscles are strong enough, they will keep you from ejaculating. By not ejaculating, you will be able to maintain your erection so you can continue to make love.
Stay Healthy and Happy
One of the most important things you can do to enjoy a healthy sex life is to maximize your health. Without a doubt, staying physically fit will not only make you look better, but will increase your stamina.
Maintaining a close and caring relationship with your partner is by far the single most important factor in having a good sex life. If you make sure your heart and mind are as well prepared for sex as the rest your body, there is no problem in your sex life that you can’t work out together.
Checklist For Stopping Premature Ejaculation
Once an adolescent, men start training their bodies with premature or prompt ejaculation under the covers or in the bathroom till they masturbate. The first partner is again usually a hurry. However over time, men need to prolong their love-making by retraining their body. So use these techniques together or independently to learn how to control ejaculations.
- First of all, you have to understand your arousal levels by taking time and giving yourself a self-loving exploration and not just a masturbatory release. You have to notice the changes in your penis before orgasm and during ejaculation as he doesn’t just change from soft to hard and spewing. Erection consists of four clear stages; elongation with filling, getting swollen, a full erection and a rigid erection.During the fourth stage or rigid erection, your penis gets stiff and very hot and this shows that will ejaculate. With the help of careful self-arousal and your partner’s playful hands, you practice to stay longer during the exciting, third, firm erection stage. Once you think you are ready for the hard and hot level, you have to stop all stimulations, relax and start slow and deep breathing. Inform your partner that you are ready for an orgasm so that your partner slows down or stops to prevent you ejaculating prematurely.
- Breathing Power: A very vital part of extended lovemaking is conscious breathing as rapid breathing only arouses. The calm you experience with slow and controlled breathing in your belly, helps delay ejaculation. Moreover, as you focus on your breath, you divert your attention from your genitals. Try matching your breathing tempo with your partner’s as it strengthens the connection between you.
- Pressure on the perineum: You can help stop your ejaculation by putting pressure on the perineum, which lies in the middle of your anus and scrotum. The spot reaches the prostate gland when you press the perineum, which is responsible for contraction and expansion during an orgasm to finally extract ejaculation fluid. Your partner’s the best person to give you this pressure.
- Tugging testes: While nearing orgasm, your scrotum rises close to your body. Your ejaculation is delayed when your partner pulls your testes away from your body.
- Squeezing penis tip: You can stop premature ejaculation by squeezing your penis below its glands. Though you may have to completely withdraw yourself during intercourse to do this, it helps you practice on your masturbation.
- Pubococcygeous (PC) Muscle Contraction: This involves pressing pelvic floor muscles, penis, anus and around the scrotum when you feel an ejaculation approaching. The best to do this is by intercepting your urine while in the bathroom.
- Orgasm without ejaculation: The problem you are dealing with is ejaculation and not an orgasm. So if you are about to ejaculate, both you and your partner should stop moving while you firmly contract your PC muscles for about 15 seconds and then resume your love making. This works only if you have strong PC muscles which you can train by contracting it 20 times, two to three times a day. You will be able to stop premature ejaculation within a few weeks’ time.
- Passion pump: This is a technique that combines the squeezing of your PC muscles, your tongue touching your mouth roof, your eyes rolling upward and feeling your sexual energy flowing through your body during controlled breathing that effectively helps stop premature ejaculation. This is a technique where your sexual energy is circulated throughout your body instead of letting it concentrate hot and heavy in the genital region.
- Thrusts: A mix of penetrating and shallow thrusts not only helps you last long, but also satisfies a woman. During shallow thrusts, your penis just reaches the first 2 inches and most sensitive region of a woman’s vagina. With deep thrusts, you enter as fully into your partner as possible. With these thrusting technique, you have to combine nine shallow thrusts with a slow and deep one. Through the shallow thrusts, you stimulate your partner’s sensitive vaginal tissues while keeping her aching and waiting for the final penetrating thrust. With most thrusts being shallow ones which excite only a bit of your penis, you can rock for a longer time!
- Use foreplay and stimulate your partner as if you want a longer intercourse, its better you not being the one getting all the attention!
- Put on your condom yourself as it improves the chances of your not getting an ejaculation too quickly.
- Handle all your relationship problems: Make sure your heart, head and body are interested in sex. If you are bothered about any issues with your partner, it’s better to resolve it first.
- Pelvic floor exercise: Many men can control their ejaculations just by pushing on their pelvic floor.
- Stopping and starting: This is a common psychosexual therapy where you practice stimulating yourself till you just reach ejaculation and then stop. Repeat this thrice, till sensations subside. You find the time span before each stop gradually increasing.
- Massaging breasts: When you feel like ejaculating during intercourse, just gently massage your woman’s breasts as it helps delay your ejaculation while maintaining both your and your partner’s level of love making mood.
- Stroke changes: Once you can easily practice the stopping and starting technique, you have to make it a habit of changing your stroke to a less stimulating stroke instead of opting to give a complete stop to yourself. However don’t change positions too much as it irritates your partner and can lessen her mood and interest in love making. However do make sure your partner is comfortable in your sex positions.
- Position change: Use the stop and start technique when you experience strong sensations during your intercourse. Once you are more confident, change positions instead of stopping as some men last longer with their partner on top. However don’t change too many positions as it irritates your partner and may make her lose interest in love making. Make sure she is comfortable with your sex positions.
- Having sex in the missionary and doggy style increase pressure on you; so it’s better avoiding these positions.
By following the above tips and tricks, you can be rest assured that you will stop premature ejaculation and cumming early will be a thing of the past. By following a simple early ejaculation program as above, you can be enjoying sexual intercourse with your partner for longer periods of time and satisfying both of your needs to higher levels than ever before.